Life Without Living
by perpetualpathology
Summary: Zosia experiences something all women fear, but who will be there to comfort her?
1. Chapter 1

Zosia hadn't felt quite right all day. First the headache - despite the absence of alcohol lingering in her system - but then the odd feeling inside her. She felt stupid, because even as a doctor, it had taken her half of the day for her to work out that it was probably just the arrival of the 'monthly curse' as Dom usually put it. Though Dom being Dom, did usually accuse almost anyone, including males, of menstruating if they were moody or snappy, purely because he just found their response funny.

And unfortunately for her, she wasn't fully prepared for the arrival - she never was becuase her periods were irregular, and had been since she had started as a young teen. It had began as a dull ache, but when it escalated into a seemingly never-ending stabbing pain, she discreetly and slowly made her way to the locker room to see if she had anything in her locker that she would be able to use to prevent her raspberry scrub bottoms from becoming crimson.

"Zosia." She heard the queer flat mate call, and she internally swore as she had hoped to escape to the private locker room unnoticed, but she of course, had no such luck.  
"Yes?" Zosia huffed, because she hoped that he would get the message, and know to only touch her with a barge pole, rather than bother her again - a reference that he had used the last time that she was 'cursed'.  
"Mr Self is looking for you, and he's already rang twice. Apparently he wants you to assist him in theatre." Dom stated.  
"Well tell him I'm busy." Zosia ordered.  
"He thought you'd say that, so he's checked with Sacha and Sacha gave you the thumbs up to go." Dom said cautiously, as he knew that he was metaphorically poking the bear with a stick, just waiting for it to snap.  
"What time?" Zosia sighed.

"1pm." He replied.  
"Right, tell him I'll be there." Zosia said as she began to make her way to the locker room but he quickly caught up with her and stopped her on her way.  
"But Zosia, it's ten to now, you need to be getting scrubbed up." He stated.  
"Right, if you don't leave me alone now, so help me I will punch you into tomorrow." Zosia threatened.  
"Well what am I supposed to tell your father?" He asked - Zosia admired the fact that he was a determined individual, but he certainly had his moments.  
"Tell him if he wants me, he can come and get me." Zosia snapped before she stepped around Dom and continued her journey.

She felt relieved as she entered the room and closed the door because she didn't feel like she had dozens of pairs of eyes on her. So she made her way to her locker, and began to sort through her hand bag, looking for anything she had left from a previous cycle because she really didn't want to have to go to the store cupboard where she would probably bump into her colleagues.

But the pain was becoming unbearable and overpowering, as she lent on the bent in front of her and took deep breaths, but she could feel herself swaying and powerless to stop them as she had no control over her body. Suddenly, her knees gave way as she fell back and hit the side of her head on the bench behind her, instantly rendering her unconscious, as the blood began to seep through her scrubs...

* * *

"Right, she wants me to come and get her, then I'll just have to go and do that won't I?" Guy snapped down the theatre phone before he ripped his gloves and face mask off, despite the fact that he was literally about to begin the operation.  
"Is that such a good idea?" Colette - who was standing in for a scrub nurse - asked.  
"Just page the oncall consultant to do the op, I am going to sort that girl's attitude out once and for all." Guy stated as he tore his theatre scrubs off. He slammed them in the bin, and then burst out of the doors on a rampage to end the feud with his daughter - or at least to end her appalling attitude to surgery.

* * *

"Dr Copeland, where is Dr March?" Guy demanded as he arrived on Keller, Dom immediately jumped up and placed his magazine under a stack of files.  
"Um, the last time I saw her she was going to the locker room I think." Dom blurted out, seemingly relieved that he had gotten away with reading a magazine during his shift. However he knew he'd be in for it later, for grassing his friend up to her father, and to her boss.

* * *

"I don't know what you think you're playing at Zosia _Self_ but-" Guy began to shout as he opened the locker room door, however in the dimly lit room, he saw his daughter unconscious on the floor. There was a small pool of blood by her head, as it had been trickling from a cut that appeared to be besides her eyebrow, but the more worrying thing, was that she was in a large puddle of blood between her legs, soaking the entire top part of her scrubs, and it had seeped around her sides too, that made it seem like there was a lot more blood than there was - and as a doctor he knew that.

He almost certainly knew what had caused such a bleed, and he knew that the last thing that she would want, would be for her colleagues to know, so he picked her up bridal style, and carried her to the empty oncall room that was opposite the locker room.

He kicked the door shut behind him, tore the duvet off of the bed and then laid isi daughter on the bed before he took his phone out and rang the number for reception for Obs and Gynae.  
"Hello? This is Guy Self, I need an obs and gynae consultant to the oncall room on Keller now, it's an emergency." He ordered.

**Thanks for reading, please review :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Her eyes felt heavy as she woke, but they soon adjusted to the dim room. It took a few moments, before she realised that she was in the oncall room, and tucked under the duvet, in the bed. But her eyes suddenly, fell upon her father who was looking at the floor with his head hung between his knees.

She cleared her throat to make him aware of her presence, and he jumped as he looked up.  
"Jesus Zosia you gave me a fright." He stated. It was then that she realised that he was holding one of her hands, but she quickly let go of it and slowly sat herself up in bed. "Zosia, what happened?" He asked softly.  
"What?" She queried confusedly as she tried to work out what had happened herself.  
"I found you passed out in the locker room, what happened?" He repeated. However, she didn't know that she had been in a pool of blood - if she did know that, she would've been far more embarrassed.  
"I just, I was having a bad day and I didn't feel well. I was going to go home but... Why, what's wrong with me? Is it the same as Mama's?" She asked worriedly because he clearly knew more than she did.  
"No, no. It's nothing like that." He stared reassuringly. "When you say you didn't feel well, did you mean you had menstrual pain?" He asked awkwardly.

"How did you..." Zosia trailed off confusedly.  
"Zosia, we ran a HCG test and... Well, you're having a miscarriage. You must've passed out from the pain, and you banged your head on the bench and that knocked you out. There was a gynae consultant that came to see you and he was worried about the amount of blood loss both because of the miscarriage, and your head so you've had a litre of saline to be in the safe side." He explained quietly. "And that perfect row of sutures on your forehead is all thanks to yours truly." He said proudly. But after Zosia felt the stitches with her fingers, she fell silent as she didn't know what to say or to do. "Did you know you were pregnant?" Guy asked curiously.

"What? No of course not." Zosia stated.  
"Do you know who the father would have been?"  
"Of course I do. I'm not a slut."  
"I didn't say you were. When was your last period?"  
"That's a bit personal don't you think?"  
"It's for the sake of your health Zosia."  
"No it's not, I'm miscarrying what does it matter?"  
"Because if you're further gone than a couple of months, then there might be complications."  
"Look I can't be any further than... What? Six or seven weeks, so just leave it." Zosia snapped.  
"And you didn't know? You didn't even suspect-"  
"I just put it to the back of my mind, you know what it was like when I was younger. Periods just came and went as they pleased. It wasn't once a month it was just whenever." Zosia admitted quietly, and Guy nodded in understanding.

"Okay, sorry. Look, you've got two options, stay here over night and come home with me in the morning, or come home with me now, and you can stay in my spare room." Guy offered.  
"Neither, I'm going home." Zosia argued.  
"No, I'm sorry but you can't be on your own."  
"I don't live alone, I live with Dom and Arthur." Zosia stated.  
"Oh right, well would you like me to take you to them then?" Guy asked but she shook her head.  
"I'll go home with Dom or Arthur." She stated.  
"Zosia, it's just gone 6pm, I'm sure they've already left by now." Guy stated. "C'mon, I'll give you a ride home. I don't mind." He said kindly as he pulled back the duvet for her. Zosia forced a small smile before she slowly stood up, and straightened the black scrubs that she was wearing. She knew that they were from another ward, but obviously Guy had been kind enough to think of her needs as light coloured scrubs would not be welcomed - though she did hope that a nurse had changed her scrubs, and not him...

* * *

Dom and Arthur were sitting at opposite ends of the sofa, watching the news in silence, because Arthur always felt awkward when Zosia wasn't there to keep the peace.  
"Do you not think we should be worried about Zosia?" Arthur queried. "She should be home by now."  
"Nah. I kinda grassed her up to her old man for avoiding theatre so she's probably got her changing bed sheets or cleaning bedpans or something. She's a grown up woman Arthur I'm sure she can look after herself." Dom stated.

* * *

Guy was just driving along the dual carriage way, when a sign for tescos caught his eye.  
"Do you want to stop in tescos on the way home? Get a couple of bits?" He suggested.  
"My purse and everything is in my locker." Zosia replied feebly.  
"It's alright, I'll pay." He stated as he turned on his indicator, and turned into the car park.

* * *

Thankfully, Guy left Zosia to get what she needed in peace, so when she returned with a basket with a few packs of heavy absorbency pads and painkillers, she met him by the tills and he had some magazines and chocolates.  
"Really?" Zosia moaned.  
"C'mon, you used to love these when you started your-"  
"I think this is a bit different to a period." Zosia stated bluntly.  
"Right, yes of course. Sorry." Guy apologised as he turned to take them back but Zosia grabbed everything from his hands.  
"I didn't say that I didn't want them." She stated and Guy chuckled before he got his credit card out.

* * *

"Thank you, for helping me." Zosia said gratefully as she unclipped her seatbelt becuase he had pulled up outside the block of flats that she lived in. "And I'll pay you back." She added as she gestured the bag whilst she got out of the car.  
"Oh, don't mention it. And make sure you take as much time off as you need, I don't want to see you on Keller for at least a week." Guy ordered sternly.  
"Yeah yeah." Zosia muttered before she headed up to her flat, dreading taking the stairs because the strong painkillers that she had been gives in hospital were wearing off, and the lift in the building had broken.

* * *

She tried to close the door as quietly as she could, however, it still clicked which caused Arthur and Dom to turn around to inspect the source of the noise.  
"Hey Zosh, I heard you fainted are you alright?" Dom asked worriedly as he jumped up off of the sofa.  
"Where did you hear that?" Zosia demanded.  
"Someone tweeted it, saying that they saw your dad carrying you into the oncall room and you were knocked out." He explained and she replied her eyes as she went into the open plan kitchen. "And your forehead has been sutured." He stated.

"I'm fine, I just hit my head." Zosia mumbled as she dumped her bag on the counter and then went and got a bottle of water from the fridge.  
"Ooh, your time of month is it?" Dom smirked as he took a pack of pads out of the bag. "Geez Zosh, if it's this heavy shouldn't you see a-"  
"Just leave it Dom." Zosia snapped as she took the pack off of him and put it back in the bag.  
"Oh Zosia..." Dom trailed off sympathetically as he took out a few leaflets about grieving and miscarriage from the NHS.  
"What how did..." Zosia queried was she had no idea how they got in there, then it clicked. "Dad." Zosia concluded quietly as she realised that her father must have put them in there when he packed the bag for her in the store.  
"Dad? What, your dad knows?" Arthur asked worriedly as he joined the pair by the kitchen counter.  
"Arthur, don't look at me like that. I didn't know that I even was... That... Y'know." Zosia pleaded as she grabbed the leaflets off of Dom, put them in the bag and then put the bag down at her side out of their view.

"No, don't, I don't blame you. You don't need to explain it to me. All that matters, is that you're alright." Arthur said disjointedly as he tried to take in the information himself. Obviously, Dom caught on who the father would've been too so he changed the subject.

"Come on, I think it's time for Dorsur to reunite on the sofa under a blanket with that delightful chocolate that you've got and watch a good old, comedy film." Dom concluded as he pointed to the bag.  
"Dorsur?" Arthur smirked and Zosia gave a small smile too.

"No, no comedy film it'll hurt when I laugh." Zosia admitted as she raised her hand to her tender abdomen.  
"Alright then, how about a... Musical?" Dom suggested.  
"Hell no."  
"God no." Zosia and Arthur moaned at the same time.  
"Well what do you want to watch Zosia? It's your choice tonight." Dom stated.  
"Um..." She began to think.  
"Ooh how about lesbian vampire killers?" Dom suggested eagerly.  
"I said no comedy." Zosia stated.  
"That's not a comedy, it's horror." Dom argued.  
"Actually it's technically a comedy horror so your both right." Arthur stated.  
"Okay then. Zosia go sit down and get comfy, Diggers go and get the DVD set up, and I'll make us all hot chocolates and I'll fill your hot water bottle up for you." Dom ordered and the group split up to do their assigned tasks. Within five minutes, the three were sitting on the sofa with their feet up on the tables sipping hot chocolate and the film had been put on. Zosia was hugging her hot water bottle now that she was under the blanket, and she rested her head on Arthur's shoulder.

Arthur slowly snaked his arm behind Zosia and wrapped his arm around her for support, as he knew that they would have to deal with the miscarriage together. Though neither seemed too bothered, their lives would still be changed for a while, because they had to think things over, and Zosia still had to go through the physical process which was clearly causing her pain because about half way through the film, Zosia was fidgeting a lot and both men had realised it.

"Arthur give her a tummy rub, it'll help her." Dom ordered.  
"What? No, it's fine." Zosia said innocently.  
"No, go on Diggers. Otherwise, I'll have to do it. Look, you can have the sofa I'll take the arm chair." He stated as he jumped over and curled up in the arm chair before he resumed watching the film. Slowly, Arthur and Zosia laid down horizontally on the sofa, with Zosia in front and Arthur being a cushion behind her. Medically, he knew where her uterus was, and he knew that the pains that Zosia was experiencing was because her uterus was contracting. So he clinically began palpating her abdomen like it was a cramping muscle - and it technically was.  
"Is um, is that alright?" He whispered nervously.  
"Mm, thanks." Zosia nodded before she rested her head on the sofa so that he could see the screen.

* * *

Dom had just turned the TV off after the credits began, but Arthur had not moved becuase Zosia had fallen asleep with her arms hugging her abdomen, and Arthur's hands on top of hers.  
"Just, forget your OCD and sleep there for the night, it'd be cruel to move her." Dom stated.  
"I will, could you grab another blanket please?" Arthur whispered. Dom grabbed the throw from the armchair and laid it over the pair.  
"Night night." Dom kissed Zosia on the forehead, and then Arthur too just to annoy him, before he switched the light off and went to bed.

**The End. Sorry it's a bit crap but I have no other ideas for this fic (if you give me some more ideas for another chapter then I will carry on for a while but otherwise it's finished.) Please review :)**


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